OAP fashion sense

Beige is the most common colour for old peoples clothes although mix and not match is also popular. You can stock up on many items by taking a visit to your local Salvation Army or Charity shop. There are hundreds to choose from and all have nasty smelling clothes at bargain prices.

Old men who wear three piece suits even to go shopping can usually pick up a bargain for about £10 whereas old women can stock up on hats and shoes of all sizes and colours.

Some of the most popular items for old people are:

• Pin stripe navy blue three piece suits with a green jumper
• Polyester suits with big collars
• Long coats that smell of piss
• Beige mac with various stains on it
• Brown coats with fake fur on the collar
• Five layers of thick wooly jumpers in various colours.
• Beige underwear that grips like a vice clamp
• Slip on shoes
• Crepe bandage under American Tan 100 denier tights

Cool accessories such as:

• Trilby hats and flat caps
• Blue hats with feathers on
• Elastic belts
• Braces to hold oversize trousers up
• Thick woolen gloves
• Tartan shopping bags with plastic bags inside it
• Plastic rain hoods to stop the blue rinse from getting spoilt
• Walking stick or Zimmer frame
• Tartan shopping trolley with a squeaky wheel
• A fold away umbrella (even when there is no chance of rain)

Fancy a jumble?

The traditional jumble sale is also an ideal place to purchase large quantities of horrid clothes at a price that won't break your pension allowance. You could pick up an entire wardrobe and its contents for around 35p. Here old people are in their element pushing and shoving anyone who is standing in their way!

National Newspapers

At the back of many Sunday papers you can find a wealth of old people fashion items available by mail order. Many of them accept postal orders as a method of payment and your order usually arrives within six months. Items such as trousers, shoes, slippers, raincoats and underwear can be bought as well as many gadgets for getting pensioners out of the bath!

Newsagents Window

Many shops have little adverts in their window where people sell useless crap that they can't be bothered to throw away. Usually old people can pick up a bargain bag of clothes from some relative of a dead person.

Hand-me-ups

This is where relatives give you the clothes they used to wear but are now out of  fashion. They look stupid nowadays but old people don't seem to care. This is the most cost effective option for the fashion conscious pensioner.

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