taking the piss out of old folk since 1942
complaints to: 		     
 

are you an old person?

To determine if you are showing signs of old age please tick each statement you agree with.

section one 
If you tick ANY of the statements in section one then unfortunately you are an old person so you may as well go back to bed.

I have great grand children 01
I remember when King George was on the throne 02
I live in a retirement home 03
During the war we......(state anything from the war years) 04
My children have retired 05

section two
Tick all that apply and see the chart on the bottom of this section to determine if you are an old person.

it takes me more than 50 seconds to get up out of the chair 01
most of my teeth are removable 02
my favorite colour is beige and I have a fondness of brown fur coats 03
I love red mahogany furniture 04
I own a pair of 'American Tan' tights 05
I love shopping at Marks and Spencer's 06
they don't make films like they used to 07
this modern music gives me a headache 08
I get up at 5.30AM 09
I am mostly constipated 10
I dislike bloody foreigners 11
I can ride on the bus for free 12
I just love watching Family Fortunes and similar game shows 13
I think that Brian Connelly is a very funny person 14
I must not miss an episode of Coronation Street 15
I have a chair with a toilet built into it so I can shit at any time 16
I have a friend called George, Flo, Mavis, Arthur or Mildred 17
I use lard and a good fry-up is the best thing for you. 18
when I broke my leg it took over a year to fix 19
I cannot understand how to work the video recorder 20
I prefer to wear slip on shoes when I go to the shops 21
I know the local butcher by name 22
I visit the hairdressers every week 23
I have never been on holiday abroad 24
I wear hats 25

results 

ticks result recommendations
0-5  safe re-take test in about 10 years.
6-10 signs try watching more Channel 4 television and listening to Radio 1. Increase consumption of take-away foods and buy more CD's
11-15 slipping eat MacDonald's, Pot Noodle and stop using lard. Buy a CD player and possibly a DVD player
16-20 OAP find out what retirement homes are available in your area and check out the facilities on offer. You may wish to move to one shortly.
21-25 typical OAP you are a stereotypical old person and I am amazed that you took the time out to look on this site.


I want to be a pensioner when I grow up!