taking the piss out of old folk since 1942
complaints to: 		     
 

what is an old person?

An old person is a young person that has aged. They tend to be of the female variety however in some rare circumstances old men can also be found.

Normally in smaller heights than young people, old ones can easily be distinguished by the wrinkles on their faces and bent backs.

They often walk much slower than young people and have to urinate more frequently.


artist impression

communication

Communication with old people is difficult as they feel superior to you and find difficulty in remembering anything modern style. In some cases you have to shout really load to talk to them because they tend to be deaf! They love talking about the war and are a good source of information about the community because they are nosy and gossip about everything and everyone.

transport

Some use special scaffolding designed to help them walk these are called Zimmer Frames and come in 2 colours (silver and tea stained).

Many are fitted with metal joints (commonly called artificial hip joints) for super-human strength capabilities. these can be accompanied by artificial knee joints for extra durability.


the Zimmer

disguises

Due to modern technology some old people have had surgery to help them blend in and this can be hard to spot until they take their clothes off. Some even go to the lengths of taking hormone replacement to but the spring back into their step and to increase the chances of having a shag.

I want to be a pensioner when I grow up!